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Chapter
8 Lovers and Bedmates
Excerpt
When
attraction becomes romance and romance turns into a love affair, sometimes
you may wonder where you stand. You ask yourself: how serious is this
relationship? In this chapter, we explore the wide vocabulary of love—in
all stages of romance.
The
vocabulary here gives an idea of the many romantic and sexual possibilities.
With Thai linguistic clarity, this chapter will help you figure out whether
you are the alpha or the omega; the true love, an alternate love, or a
true love defeated; the real thing, a plaything, or a dead-thing; a soulmate,
or a mere bedmate. You will learn the meaning of concepts such as: over
the skyline, winter-spring love, and love ingrown. You will also find
out the names for the usual characters that often crowd Thai marriages.
Perhaps you’ve been harboring a nagging feeling that you may not
be the real thing for your lover. You can find out what you might then
be: A “flower by the roadside”? A “decorative plant”?
A “dog stick”? An “old bowl of chilli paste”?
For
those who couldn’t be any happier in love, you will learn beautiful
Thai words that express how you are meant for each other and how you are
each other’s true life partner.
True
love
rák thÉE (n.) ÃÑ¡á·é (¹.)
rák thÉE phÉE klâi-chít (idiom, n.)
ÃÑ¡á·éá¾éã¡ÅéªÔ´ (ÊÓ, ¹.)
Surely
every person in love hopes that the special person in their life is
the one true love. The notion of “true love” (rák
thÉE) is universal: the love that will last, the love that is
meant to be, the lover who is for real, the love of your life. However,
there is also an anathema to true love that comes in the form of a lesser
love caused by proximity to the body (and thus, temptation) instead
of the heart, manifest in the Thai poetic saying, rák thÉE
phÉE klâi-chít, “true love is defeated by
proximity.” This kind of dangerous “proximity” is
deeply feared by those who have a lover far away. Who can blame them?
The power of the love, however strong, has time and again yielded to
the power of the flesh (of another) that is readily available and tempting.
Unrequited
love
rák khút (v.) ÃÑ¡¤Ø´ (¡.)
rák tÔOng-hâam (n.) ÃÑ¡µéͧËéÒÁ (¹.)
When love
is kept in secret and is unrequited, it is a case of rák khút.
The meaning almost does justice to the pain felt in this one-sided,
solitary love. Khút means to “curl” or to “contort
inward”; the same word is used for an ingrown nail. So, if you
are affected by such a “love ingrown,” the only way to get
rid of the pain is to expose it and give it a proper airing, so to speak.
But what if it is a “forbidden love” (rák tÔOng-hâam)
and airing it is out of the question? In that case, good luck.
Lover,
lover-in-waiting
khon rák (n.) ¤¹ÃÑ¡ (¹.)
khûu rák (n.) ¤ÙèÃÑ¡ (¹.)
khûu chûuen (n.) ¤Ùèª×è¹ (¹.)
tuua jing (informal, n.) µÑǨÃÔ§ (»Ò¡, ¹.)
tuua s m-rOOng (informal,
n.) µÑÇÊÓÃͧ (»Ò¡, ¹.)
When you
have acquired the status of a lover—and it is sanctioned by your
close circle of family and friends and the public (if that’s important
to you)—you may call your lover khon rák or khûu
rák, with the former translated as “lover” and the
latter “partner in love.” While the Thai term for “lover”
is generally used with a couple who are not yet married, the term khûu
rák may refer to either a pre- or post-marital lover. Sometimes
khûu rák is used together with khûu chûuen,
a somewhat old-fashioned term, to connote happiness and joy and cherished
love between two lovers or husband and wife—khûu rák
khûu chûuen.
When a
lover has passed all the tests and it has been ascer-tained that he
or she is a “keeper,” the lover is called “the real
thing” or tuua jing. But should there be a “lover-in-waiting,”
then he or she is a tuua s m-rOOng—as
may be the case for the cautious type who likes a plan B. The idea is
that should something go sideways with the (preferred) principal, then
the alternate lover would succeed to the number one spot.
Bedmate
khûu kha (n.) ¤Ùè¢Ò
(¹.)
khûu nOOn (n.) ¤Ùè¹Í¹ (¹.)
phûeaan nOOn (n.) à¾×è͹¹Í¹ (¹.)
phûeaan rûuam tiiang (informal, n.) à¾×è͹ÃèÇÁàµÕ§ (»Ò¡,
¹.)
There are
people who don’t give a hoot about what other people think—in
which case, they can behave as they wish, enjoying the freedom of sexual
sport. Khûu kha
is a word generally used to mean “buddy in a game,” generally
a sport or recreational game like tennis or poker. In the sexual context,
the word, meaning “sexual partner,” connotes something of
a playmate in a game in which sex is the central activity. Sexual partners
do not (or should not) expect that the pairing will lead to a serious
relationship. A Thai man who is serious about a woman will not dream
of courting her as a sexual partner before asking for her hand, though
he may have no scruples doing so with other women he thinks are not
wife material. Khûu nOOn and phûeaan nOOn, both meaning
“bedmate,” and phûeaan rûuam tiiang, “bedfellow,”
are all synonyms of khûu khaa.
Meant
for each other
núeaa khûu (n.) à¹×éͤÙè (¹.)
phrom lí-khìt (n.) ¾ÃËÁÅÔ¢Ôµ (¹.)
bùp-phee sn-ní-wâat
(n.) ºØ¾à¾Êѹ¹ÔÇÒÊ (¹.)
dèt dÒOk-máay rûuam tôn (idiom, v.) à´ç´´Í¡äÁéÃèÇÁµé¹
(ÊÓ, ¡.)
tam bun rûuam wát, sài bàat rûuam khn
(idiom, v.) ·ÓºØÃèÇÁÇÑ´ ãÊèºÒµÃÃèÇÁ¢Ñ¹ (ÊÓ, ¡.)
Thais believe
that everybody has a núeaa khûu, a fateful mate, predestined
by the will of heaven, or phrom lí-khìt in Thai. Actually
phrom lí-khìt is etymologically Sanskrit, literally meaning
“the will of Brahma,” who is the God of Creation in Hinduism.
(Although Buddhists are not supposed to believe in God, or gods, as
is the case in Hinduism, the Thai language contains a vast number of
Sanskrit words that incorporate Hindu references. In fact, Thai people
are not at all averse to worshipping gods and deities from other religions,
especially the Hindu ones.)
When two
people are núeaa khûu to each other, it is believed that
they were together as husband and wife in their past lives (in a series
of reincarnations). This is a connection called bùp-phee sn-ní-wâat,
brought about by past karmic connection, which binds the two together
across their recurring existences. You may also sometimes hear other
proverbs such as, dèt dÒOk-máay rûuam tôn
(lit. “to pick flowers from the same tree”) or tam bun rûuam
wát, sài bàat rûuam khn
(“to make merit at the same temple, to put offerings into the
same alms bowl”). These two proverbs mean that a couple have had
an intimate karmic connection from making such merit (or some kind of
joint and karmically enduring action) that is linked to their past existence.
And this binds them together in the present life. This is why romantic
Thai couples like to “make merit” together (giving offerings
to monks, releasing caged birds or fish, etc.) in hope that they will
be together again in their next lives.
[Read
more in the book.]
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