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Read excerpts and sample sextalk expressions from: ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Chapter
6 Traditional Courtship Rituals
. . . Upward mobility for the middle class often means emulating the upper class—the hi-so—in Bangkok. The hi-so are the old and new rich, who seem to have their own idea about the Thai tradition—which is removed from the old folk traditions—preferring a more elaborate, more restrictive (for women) “noble” sensibility. Ordinary Thai women as relatively free agents in matters of love and romance (of the past) have been transformed into fragile orchids in great need of protection from the sweltering sexual and moral corruption of today. Many self-appointed hi-so protectors of “Thai Culture” (with a capital C) always refer to the grand old “Thai Tradition” (again, with a capital T) when preaching to youths about the importance of chastity. Young women are the usual target of such preaching: no to spaghetti straps, no to sex before marriage, yes to sexual modesty. Listening to their preaching, one can be forgiven for feeling as if you’d been sucked by a time machine back to Victorian England (generally perceived as being a “proper” society but actually a period of great debauchery among the ordinary English). Yes, to England, because there isn’t any clearly identifiable period in Thai history when sexual prudishness was a tradition for ordinary people. This obsession with female chastity and the rabid need to control female sexual behavior could not have come from the old folk traditions because, as I will explain shortly, they were relatively liberal. More likely the sources are the traditions associated with the old nobility and the royal court, or imported foreign ideas, or from the imagination of royal court poets, or, quite likely, a combination of all these. Naturally the Thai hi-so would espouse the elite values of their ancestors, who were of the ruling class. It is also plausible that Victorian values managed to seep into the kingdom and influence the Siamese elites around the early to mid twentieth century when the kingdom was undergoing massive modernization, importing many ideas from Europe. And there was also the paternalistic Chinese influence among the urban Chinese-Thais. The Thai upper class has found allies in the new middle class in the battle against the ongoing “degradation” of the “Thai Traditional Culture.” If our forefathers and mothers were to rise from their graves today, they might be perplexed, wondering how they could have produced so many prudes. In the days of our beloved ancestors, courtship was quite a simple affair. Girls and boys coming of age around their mid-teens started looking for a mate in a relatively carefree manner. As in many agrarian cultures, there were courtship customs that revolved around planting and harvesting seasons, as well as spiritual practices. Young people courted and entertained each other with singing, music, and dancing, in pairs or in groups. Festivities provided important opportunities for courtship. As far as female chastity was concerned, it seemed neither earth-shatteringly important nor so easily disposable. In Thai folk tradition, men initiated courtship. A woman had the right and freedom to choose an eligible man of her choice (though often with her family’s consent), and it was the man’s job to convince the woman that he would be the best choice. Courtship was a process of “choosing a partner” (lûeaak khûu). . . . Attitudes towards courtship and romance in the Bangkok and central Thai tradition began to diverge from the indigenous traditions of the former tribute states around the early Rattanakosin period (early nineteenth century). Sexual values of the noble class characterized by male dominance and female submissiveness started to spread among the ordinary Bangkok Siamese folk. Quite possibly, so did the pratice of polygamy. An indication of male promiscuity and aggressive courtship styles can be found in a number of classical Siamese books (written mostly by court poets in the nineteenth and the early twentieth centuries). Most classical heroes in Thai literature are indisputably not only virile but quite aggressively so—like Casanovas on speed. Even when they are already married, they have a habit of falling violently in love and aggressively courting other women—that’s the Casanova part. The male-libido-raging-as-if-on-uppers part is when they typically ravage one virginal maiden after another, swooping through them like a blazing forest fire. Some may accuse me of defaming Thai classical heroes, but you only have to pick up any piece of classical Thai literature. Most are full of polygamous playboy heroes, with the heroines and female supporting characters losing their virginity left, right, and center, and mostly before the wedding night—if there is any wedding. Thai classical literature is jam-packed with multiple love affairs, adulterous liaisons and erotic unions that involve elopement or the hero abducting the heroine or breaking into her (and other women’s) bedrooms. The prime example is Khun Chang Khun Phaen, one of the best-known Thai classics. . . . Enter
through the proper alleyway, exit through the door
Wet
the bottom of the staircase
Keep
at it, and keep it
Courtship Proverbs & Sayings As tradition fades and rituals and customs transform with time, old words of wisdom often remain. Following are proverbs and sayings from the central Thai tradition, which, as noted before, tends to be rather restrictive compared to the old indigenous traditions. These words of wisdom are still used by Thai elders to teach spirited youths (seemingly not to great effect). Several wise sayings still apply and remain well-liked, but a few may have outlived their usefulness. (Don’t)
eat fruits before they are ripe
Children
disturb the body, husband disturbs the mind
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ua krà-dai mâi
hÊEng (idiom, adj.) หัวกระไดไม่แห้ง (สำ, ว.)
ua
krà-dai mâi hÊEng. In an old custom, a big jar of
water would be placed at the bottom of the front staircase for guests
to wash their feet before walking up into the house. So if there are
many suitors coming to court the daughter at the house, the bottom of
the staircase never gets a chance to dry. You can still find this custom
practiced in remote rural villages. Although most houses in the city—or
in many rural provinces for that matter—no longer keep a water
jar by the front staircase, the expression is still widely used to refer
to a woman who attracts many suitors.