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Chapter 4 Looking for Love
Excerpt

The language of love is universal, that’s true. But love can only go so far with making eyes and sign language. Looking for love without an adequate vocabulary is like going on a treasure hunt without a good old treasure map. Sure, it can be exciting. But even Indiana Jones would get lost without a map. A set of basic vocabulary can make navigating the wild love jungle a much more fun and satisfying experience.

You have been introduced to the Thai sexual animals and the Thai perspective on love and lust. You have also been warned about what love and lust can do to your heart. I think we are now ready to enter the Thai love jungle.
In this chapter, you will meet the many personalities in the Thai love jungle. They come in various shapes, sizes, and sexual persuasions, just like their animal friends.

I try to include cultural nuances in the explanation of the words and phrases where useful and necessary, to clarify the various love-seekers’ romantic tendencies and, in some cases, marital situations. The additional cultural knowledge may come in handy when exploring and trying to figure out the terrain.

Lonely heart
ngw jai (adj.) เหงาใจ (ว.)
naw jai (adj.) หนาวใจ (ว.)
plìiaw jai (adj.) เปลี่ยวใจ (ว.)
plàw plìiaw (adj.) เปล่าเปลี่ยว (ว.)

When someone desires to get into your heart—or just your pants—they will invariably claim to be ngaw (“lonely”) or ngw jai (“lonely in the heart”). Other self-proclaimed lonely hearts might profess to be naw jai (“feeling cold in the heart”) and are looking for someone to help turn up the heat. The lovelorn will possibly say they are plìiaw jai (“lonesome”) and hope that someone will take away that creeping loneliness. The lonesome hearts may also claim to be plàw plìiaw, subtly suggesting that they crave companionship. (This last term and the term ngaw are also used in non-sexual contexts.)

Really, truly, “chastely” single
sòot tháng thÊEng (informal, adj.) โสดทั้งแท่ง (ปาก, ว.)
nùm tháng thÊEng (adj., n.) หนุ่มทั้งแท่ง (ว., น.)
saw tháng thÊEng (adj., n.) สาวทั้งแท่ง (ว., น.)
sòot sà-nìt (slang, adj.) โสดสนิท (แสลง, ว.)
sòot bOO-rí-sùt (slang, adj.) โสดบริสุทธิ์ (แสลง, ว.)

Potential Thai love interests, especially women, can sometimes be suspicious. (As you will learn later, they often have a good reason to be.) So there may come a time when a suitor needs to do some convincing about his or her single status. The phrase sòot tháng thÊEng gives an emphatic confirmation that one is really, truly single—literally the whole, uh, “rod” (thÊEng) of one is single. This “rod” reference is not what you think it is—it is purely innocent. As part of the adverb tháng thÊEng it simply means “entirely” or “thoroughly.”
The term sòot tháng thÊEng applies to both sexes. A man can also say he is nùm tháng thÊEng and a woman saw tháng thÊEng. Another term—humorous and gender neutral—is sòot sà-nìt, “utterly single.” An earnest single suitor may also teasingly say he or she is sòot bOO-rí-sùt, which translates as “genuinely single” but literally “chastely single.” Whether or not the suitor chooses to divulge if chastity has anything to do with his or her single status is up to the suitor to decide.

Still hot at 30, 40 carats
saw yài (n.) สาวใหญ่ (น.)
sm-sìp yang jEw (slang, adj.) 30 ยังแจ๋ว (แสลง, ว.)
sìi-sìp kà-ràt (slang, adj.) 40 กะรัต (แสลง, ว.)

Twenty or thirty years ago, a Thai woman still single at thirty might as well forget about marriage. How things have changed. Now, with more and more Thai women delaying marriage, many mature bachelorettes (saw yài, literally “big woman”) in their thirties and forties are still available.

The notion of an old maid at thirty is no more. Now, a thirty-year-old single Thai woman can proudly sing sam-sìp yang jEw, “still hot at thirty.” This phrase came from a popular country song from about twenty years ago, in which the male singer crooned to his love interest, admiring how she was still hot and sexy at the ripe old age of thirty.

With age, experience and confidence, women still enjoying singlehood at forty may be “old hens” or cougars to some. But many mature Thai women these days are not staying home feeling sorry for themselves. The age of forty years is “forty carats” (sìi-sìp kà-ràt)—a precious badge of honor and wisdom (assumed to come with age).

Fragrant flowers and Sex and the City
krà-dang-ngaa lon fai (idiom, n.) กระดังงาลนไฟ (สำ, น.)

Women with marriage (and presumably sexual) experience used to be seen as “used goods” in the past—(some time ago because it was not always so, as you will learn in Chapter 6). Thankfully, this view belongs in the “antiquated thinking” section of a cultural museum. A woman who is sexually awakened has a certain evocative appeal. Thais call such a woman krà-dang-ngaa lon fai, literally “smoked ilang-ilang.” I know, the translation doesn’t inspire lusty feelings but let’s see the explanation and you can judge for yourself.
Ilang-ilang (cananga odorata in Latin) is a tropical fragrant flower with long and shapely cream-colored petals. When it is held over a flame (lon fai: smoked) it gives a captivating fragrance. The delicious aroma is like a mature sexual feminine appeal, hence a woman who has matured sexually is called krà-dang-ngaa lon fai. Because of its strong sexual connotation, a krà-dang-ngaa lon fai is sometimes seen as a femme fatale—think of Carrie and her girl pals in Sex and the City (though for the Thai tastes, Carrie and her girlfriends may be a bit extreme). In fact, Thai krà-dang-ngaa lon fai are usually just sexy women who happen to have been married or have had a couple of lovers.

The player, the lover
jâw-chúu (n., v.) เจ้าชู้ (น., ก.)
nák rák (n.) นักรัก (น.)
khn phEn (idiom, n.) ขุนแผน (สำ, น.)

One word you will often hear in a Thai romantic setting is jâw-chúu. Literally “master lover,” it means anything from being a tease and a harmless flirt to a polygamist. This type of character certainly enjoys the game of love and romance. Depending on how a jâw-chúu person exercises his natural romantic dexterity, he—it is often, though not always, a he—may be simply a playful lover who enjoys acting like a “flirtatious bantam” or a “dog teasing a chick.” Or he could be a real nák rák or a “serial lover.” If the latter is the case, he is no rookie and probably more in the league of the “tiger the woman-eater.”

Not a few Thai men are lovers in the class of Casanova (or at least aspire to be). They are called Khun Phaen (khn phEn), the Thai version of Casanova. Women who are not the romantic daredevil type are advised to stay well away. (See more on Khun Phaen in the introduction of Chapter 6.)

[Read more in the book.]

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