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Chapter 2 The Thai Sexual Jungle
Excerpt

Chick
kài (slang, n.) ไก่ (แสลง, น.)

“Chick” is well-known slang in English, generally meaning a young woman who is often presumed to be sexually available. It has many versions in various languages, with different meanings and usage—for example, polla in Spanish means a “young girl” but also doubles as a slang term for penis. The Thai version, kài, is mercifully not as bipolar as in Spanish. Kài means a young, attractive female, but this Thai slang word has a different social perspective. For a start, “chick” has been deconstructed in English; a young American woman may casually call herself a “chick” but no Thai woman would ever call herself a kài, not even subversively. “Chick” in Thai carries a significantly more negative connotation; certainly a Thai kài is young and attractive but she is also assumed to be game sexually, and that is not something a Thai woman would like to project. Thai men think of a kài as a woman of easy virtue, at best a temporary squeeze—not wife material. The term is also often used to mean “prostitute.”

Old hen, old rabbit
kài kÈE mÊE plaa chÒOn (idiom, n.) ไก่แก่แม่ปลาช่อน (สำ, น.)
krà-tàay kÈE mÊE plaa chÒOn (idiom, n.) กระต่ายแก่แม่ปลาช่อน (สำ, น.)

When chicks become older and gain experience, they are no longer so scrumptious—at least in the eyes of many. The same goes for rabbits. Linguistically there are no young Thai Playboy bunnies. Only the old, straggly rabbits are featured, but just to be harassed, not admired. Age and experience are rarely desirable in females in the sexual game. Between these two Thai idioms, “old rabbit” is the older of the two and is fading into disuse.
In the full expression of these two idioms, another ill-treated creature is involved: the snake-head fish (a freshwater fish, not particularly attractive). Not just any snake-head fish, but the “mother of the snake-head fish” (mÊE plaa chÒOn)—literally “old hen, mother of the snake-head fish” and “old rabbit, mother of the snake-head fish.” Both refer to worldly, sexually experienced women.

Unlike the young chicks, old hens and old rabbits are tough and far too worldly and wise to easily fall prey. It is believed that the old rabbit in the original expression comes from an old tale that portrays the rabbit as intelligent and cunning (and somehow has been twisted into a bad trait). As for the mother of the snake-head fish, which is ordinarily a small and harmless creature, ancient wisdom has it that it becomes nasty when it gets older and has its own snake-headed baby fish.

While “old hen” and “old rabbit” are by no means terms of praise, they are not overwhelmingly negative, nor vulgar, for example, like the Spanish conejo (“rabbit”) which means “cunt.” The terms are somewhat akin to “cougar” in English, which means an older, middle-aged woman who pursues young men. Usually, in the Thai context, young men are told to be wary of the old hens or the old rabbits because they are too crafty for them to handle.

Green rooster
kài ÒOn (idiom, n.) ไก่อ่อน (สำ, น.)
kài ÒOn sOOn khn (idiom, n.) ไก่อ่อนสอนขัน (สำ, น.)

A “green rooster” is not a rooster with green feathers, but a baby rooster that hasn’t yet gained enough experience (kài ÒOn)—a rookie. In Thai, this term literally translates to “baby chick” but that would be misleading, since this baby chick is actually a baby rooster. This slang is used exclusively with young men. It is pejorative. Being too young and inexperienced, a kài ÒOn is not yet knowledgeable about worldly things and the tricks others might play on him. Still wet behind the ears, he is no match for an “old hen.” She will have him for breakfast. The translation of the second expression says it all: “a baby rooster that has yet to learn the cockcrow” (kài ÒOn sOOn khn). A kài ÒOn still has a long way to go before he can get in a cock-fighting ring.

Old snake-head
thâw ha nguu (idiom, n.) เฒ่าหัวงู (สำ, น.)

Thâw ha nguu is a classic Thai term for “dirty old man.” Literally “snake-headed old man,” a thâw ha nguu has the body of an old man but the head of a snake. Snakes store their venom in a part of their heads, so “snake-head” in this expression emphasizes that the man (who is definitely old, but may not always seem venomous) has his poison hidden in his head like a snake. Thais have a particular dislike of snakes, and the snake-head implies sleaze and treachery.
An “old snake-head” is full of tricks and schemes to exploit young women (and maybe also young men). He tends to have a taste for partners who are far too young for him—sometimes underaged girls or boys. With the Thai language lacking an exact term for pedophile, “old snake head” serves as a stand-in, but not necessarily carrying an implication of criminality. Pedophelic or not, an “old snake-head” gives the image of a repulsive, lusty, smarmy old man who is always on the verge of doing something dirty—a real sleazeball.

The menacing four – tiger, lion, bull & rhino
seaa, sng, krà-ting, rÊEt (idiom, n.) เสือสิงห์กระทิงแรด (สำ, น.)

This ensemble is always identified in the same collective phrase: seaa, sng, krà-ting, rÊEt. Think of them as the male version of Sex and the City with paws and horns. Like Carrie and her three girlfriends, this menacing foursome has signed a contract with the zoo producers for simultaneous public appearances. But unlike the Sex and the City women, who are plenty appealing, the casting agent who recruited this menacing four forgot to include “charming” on the casting call.

The tiger, lion, bull, and rhino are mean predators up to no good. They are strong, fast, skilled and ruthless—they go for the kill in the blink of an eye. All the young chicks and even the tough old hens and rabbits are warned to stay out of their path. In practical usage, these four are out to take advantage of people, including for sexual exploitation.

Heavenly flower and temple dog
dÒOk-fáa kàp ma-wát (idiom, n.) ดอกฟ้ากับหมาวัด (สำ, น.)

Even among dogs, there are hi-so (high society) and lo-so, and among the lowest of the lo-so are the temple dogs (usually stray or abandoned dogs that monks take care of). As the saying goes, the temple dog (ma-wát) dreams of a heavenly flower (dÒOk-fáa). A poor tuk-tuk taxi driver sees a beautiful daughter of the CEO of a Fortune 500 company and falls in love. Will his love for that heavenly flower be fulfilled? Probably not—unless our temple dog can scrape together the cost of a couple of first-class tickets. That may happen in a fairy tale (Cinderella does have an emotional pull that is rarely repeated in reality), where the heavenly flower also notices the temple dog and they fall in love and live happily ever after. Only if and when such a miracle happens, will they form the rare combination of dÒOk-fáa kàp ma-wát, “a heavenly flower and a temple dog.”

Dye a cat for sale
yÓOm mEEw khaay (idiom, v.) ย้อมแมวขาย (สำ, ก.)

A “dyed cat” has little to do with dying of the fur. The expression, yÓOm mEEw khaay (lit. “to dye a cat for sale”) has its origin in an old Thai grooming practice for pet cats. In the old days, Thai people liked to keep cats that had auspicious characteristics as house pets. Some pampered their cats; after giving it a bath, the owner would rub turmeric and red lime into the cat’s fur, turning the fur into bright colors.

“To dye a cat for sale” is a general metaphor for passing on inferior or damaged goods as valuable or brand-new. In the sexual context, it refers to a sham by someone, often parents or beauty peagant agents, who try to pass a daughter or a beauty contestant off as first-rate, with a squeaky-clean record of behavior and an unblemished reputation, while her actual quality (read: virginity) may be in doubt. The suitor, or the beauty peagant spectators, may be unaware of the deception. The “dyed cat” in question may or may not approve of such a sham, but then her opinion usually doesn’t count.

Gibbon
chá-nii (gay slang, n.) ชะนี (แสลง, เกย,์ น.)

Unlike the other gay animals in this section, a gibbon (chá-nii) is female. “Gibbon” is gay lingo for natural-born women—that is, women who were born with female sex organs. Why gibbon? One explanation is that gibbons are well known for always calling out “puua – puua – puua”—puua means “husband” in Thai. The term chá-nii has found its way into the general vocabulary and is used among women. A recent comedy film featuring a group of modern professional Thai women is entitled Gang Chanee or “The Gibbon Gang.”

Seduce a croc
lÔO tà-khêe (slang, v.) ล่อตะเข้ (แสลง, ก.)
lÔO âi-khêe (slang, v.) ล่อไอ้เข้ (แสลง, ก.)

Sometimes arousal is unintended. A chick strutting around the sexual zoo may draw attention when she (usually it is a she and not a he) doesn’t really mean to attract it. This often happens when the chick is dressed in skimpy apparel or displays a manner that broadcasts her inner slut—an act that causes the croc to salivate. This is called “seducing a croc” (lÔO tà-khêe or lÔO âi-khêe). While fashion may favor bare mid-rifs and low-rise pants, Thai society still frowns upon women for wearing provocative and revealing clothing (and/or acting in a seductive manner with men). A likely scenario: a young woman is going to see a movie with her friends; her parents are shocked at seeing her going out the door wearing just a tube top and a dangerously low-rise pair of jeans. Her father says: “Are you going out to a movie or to seduce the crocs? Change into something more respectable, will you?”

Dog teasing a chick
ma yÒOk kài (idiom, n.) หมาหยอกไก่ (สำ, น.)

A dog (ma) comes by a chicken coop looking for a meal. He cunningly teases a chick (kài) that he would like to stroke her feathers or play a fun game of hide-and-seek with her. The chick had better watch out because these seemingly playful acts are done only half in jest—a dog is still a dog, and a chick should know a dog’s nature. She should not carelessly dismiss this zoo jester as being nothing but a good-natured teaser, or she may regret it. When a dog teases a chick (ma yÒOk kài), the chick should assume that the canine teaser has an ulterior motive, or that he will put his playful words into serious action if he has a chance. “Dog teasing a chick” is an idiom for a man who likes to hit on women half playfully half seriously.

[Read more in the book.]

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